Many people say you cannot achieve the ultimate womanhood unless you will experience the beauty of carrying a child in your tummy for nine months and finally delivering them to this world. But how about the women who were not blessed enough to be able to get pregnant, or those who get pregnant but unfortunately had miscarriages? I hope all women come to recognize that there are other function of womanhood other than child bearing.
I know most of the woman wants to experience the indescribable feeling of being a mother. I am guilty of this. The excitement from the first time seeing your pregnancy test with a positive result, the check-up days with your OB, the unexplainable food cravings, changes in the body and finally delivering their offsprings safely and as healthy as they can be. And bringing them into the world is the just the beginning of everything. The amazing mothers now will be engaged in the battle of motherhood. The battle where they will be suffering and sacrificing things for their children and the victory cannot be claimed in the short period of time – Being a mother is a lifetime responsibility.
I know these things because of my profession and I just have heard and seen these a million times from my friends who got pregnant, delivered and are raising their children. I haven’t experienced any of it at all. Unfortunately. Sadly. Depressingly. Devastatingly.
When people starts asking “Why are you not getting pregnant?” “When are you going to be pregnant?”, I just want to disappear. I got married two years ago, I was 28. My husband and I tried but always failing. I came to the point of getting depressed. Whenever my monthly period will come, I will be bursting into tears. When I will be reading news bout children being abused, being aborted and being neglected, I feel so much hurt and so mad at the same time. There are times I will stare at the children playing outside wishing one of them is mine. I was on the edge of breakdown.
And how did I get over it?
Alhamdullilah (Praises for Allah) my husband is very supportive of me. He did not ever make me feel of becoming less a woman just because I am not getting pregnant. He is always trying to cheer me up and give advices whenever I have these self-pity moments and depression, and I tell you, it happens every month then.
The secret of acceptance is the key how I am managing to keep calm every month that I know I am not pregnant. I trust Allah more than anything. I believe that He will give it to me in His perfect timing. Everything happens for a reason. Instead of looking in the negative things, I am focusing myself on the blessings I am receiving. If I am not blessed to be a mother now, at least I am blessed to be a wife to my wonderful husband. I am happy taking care of my husband and giving my full time to him. I’m trying to learn new things and keep myself busy. This is just one of the challenges I have to face. My patience and faith is being tested in this issue. I am praying that May Allah give me a stronger and understanding heart to accept things easily. In shaa Allah. (God Willing)