Giving up is NOT an option!

It’s been quite some time since I started learning the Arabic Language but I’m still having difficulty. I know I cannot perfect it in an instant but sometimes, or should I say most of the time, I am feeling so hopeless already. Despite the fact that I am married to an Arabic-speaking man, we don’t have enough time to sit and discuss every details of the Arabic Language like a teacher does in school. Besides, I feel bad if I will take his time to take rest after his stressful work. But of course, I know he is more than willing to help me to learn. I can feel his support by providing for me books, computer programs and he is  always ready to answer whenever I have questions. Alhamdulillah.

Basicallly, I am learning this language without a formal class. I started watching videos in YouTube and then I tried to complete the Rosetta Stone, a computer program for learning different languages. I liked it at first but eventually I stopped because I thought it’s better to learn the language with the Qur’anic words because my sole purpose of learning Arabic is to be able to read the Qur’an and understand it. In Shaa Allah.

I am not good in online classes. I feel sleepy and bored. I don’t feel the hype or excitement when no human is around me, moreover, my eyes cannot tolerate to stare in the laptop screen for long time. I tried the Madinah Arabic program in YouTube but unfortunately I was not able to finish it.

I looked for a teacher who I can have a one on one class but it’s a little bit pricey that’s why now I’m back to studying myself online. It’s difficult for me but I don’t have other options. I came to the point when I just cried and felt sad. I felt my tongue just twisted and I was mispronouncing the letters.

I have basic knowledge in Arabic, I can read but in a slow pace. I can write as well but I always have the problem in spelling especially in the long and short vowels. I guess because my native language doesn’t deal with that. I want to increase my vocabulary as well so I can understand the Arabic words that I am reading. In shaa Allah.

I need to organize myself and put more effort in studying the Arabic Language. I feel guilty that I have wasted a lot of time already. I want to know which class best suits me. I have to step my foot forward and stop procrastinating because Allah will question me at the end. Astagfirullah . May Allah forgive me.

I will be so happy to know your studying tips for learning Arabic Language. I know each of us are different but who knows, maybe it will be good for me as well. Guess I have to try and try until I succeed. In shaa Allah.

May Allah increase me in knowledge and make it easy for me in learning the Arabic Language. Ya RAbb!

P.S. Can you mention some fatwa regarding reading the Qur’an along with the reciter from my ipod (a recorded audio) with the intention of getting used to the  words and as a reading practice? Is it permissible or forbidden? Jazakum Allahu Khairan. 

I am from there, he is from here

I am watching the live coverage of the Masjid Al Harram in Makkah while writing this post and I remember the time my husband brought me there after a couple of weeks after our marriage. We didn’t go for honeymoon and travel to the beautiful places and beaches in the world like the newly-wed couple does. Instead, we packed our things and travelled to Makkah for Umrah and paid a visit to Madinah. It was my first time. It was his nth time. He told me, bringing me there is the top in his list after getting married.

We are a product of an interracial marriage. I love my husband unconditionally but differences are inevitable. Most people say that opposites attract, but for me, two people have chemistry because they acknowledge each others differences. They know how to compromise and give way to each other. They respect each other.

My parents didn’t say anything against my marriage but I felt that they were a little bit scared. It’s not that they don’t care for me, to allow me to a such marriage but because I know they trust me. They just advised me to think about the possible consequences before engaging myself in it. Before we got married, we’ve been praying for Istikharra. I believed nobody can tell me what is the right thing to do except Allah.  If this marriage is for the goodness of both of us, He will facilitate everything for us. And He did. Alhamdulillah!

It’s been two years, quiet young I know, and we are still adapting to each other.

He is an Arab, I am not.

Learning Arabic is not only to communicate with my husband but for the main purpose of  being able to read and understand the Holy Qur’an. Unfortunately, until now I am not fluent in speaking Arabic even the slang or colloquial. Many times I was put in the situation when I was with his friend’s wives and I ended up being out of place. Although they tried to talk to me in English, they told me it’s just difficult for them. Well, so it is for me that’s why I’m still trying to learn Arabic.

Since I am a food lover, adapting to their cuisine is never been difficult to me. I love their food especially their sweets.  I tried to learn how to make their meals so I can serve it to my husband. There are times I am craving for my traditional food also so I will end up preparing both cuisines in the same day. We didn’t have issues about food at all because we are not forcing each other, instead we respect each other’s preferences.

For me, one of the advantage of interracial marriage is having the opportunity to learn new  things of different background and different perspective.

Sadly, when the families are not accepting the marriage, it’s making things complicated. When racism occurs, marriage is shaken. And I always have an answer for this. They cannot reject or despise this marriage because this is the will of Allah. This marriage is the fate He has given to these couple. He is the One who facilitated this union. My husband once told me, if Allah doesn’t want us to get married, it will not be facilitated even if we try every possible way. And I agree. Do you?

I am not getting what I want

 

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Alhamdulillah (الحمد لله)

“All praise is due to Allah”

I must admit I had a bad habit before. I usually throw up tantrums when I don’t get what I want. I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth but I didn’t feel that I was deprived of the necessary things I needed in my life either. Due to my innocence, May Allah forgive me, I usually feel bad when I don’t get the dress that I want, the toys, the shoes, the bags, all the worldly things. Everything that matters to me is to have this materialistic things to feel that I am better.

I will be lying if I will say that I don’t want any of these things now. Yes I do still want to have a good laptop, a good phone, a nice bag, nice jewelries and girly stuffs but this time, I learned to be contented and satisfied with what I have.

This time, I learned how to say Alhamdulillah

Saying Alhamdulillah is not enough at all unless you totally accept it in your heart. Accept that we cannot have everything in this world and accept that we are more than luckier to have what we have now in our hands compare to other people.

I may not have LV, MK, CH, P, G, B or bags that most of the girls are drooling at but Alhamdulillah, I have bags good enough to hold my stuffs.

I may not have expensive shoes but Alhamdulillah, I am blessed enough not to walk with bare feet.

I may not have branded clothes but Alhamdulillah, I have something to wear to cover myself and warm me during winter.

I may not have tasted the fancy foods but Alhamdulillah, I have food to put in my mouth.

I may not have a huge house but Alhamdulillah, I have a home with my husband  to keep us safe and provide shelter for us.

These are just the few things I am grateful of.

And among these blessings, the most I am grateful for is the gift of Islam. Alhamdulillah!

It is impossible for me to count all the blessings that I am receiving from the Most Generous, The Provider, The All-Giving Creator, Allah.

Somebody told me, being satisfied with what Allah has given you now is to show that you are grateful  with everything He has given. Be happy with what you have no matter what it is  because every small thing is a gift from Allah. 

And how about the things I want but I am not getting? Still, I am saying Alhamdulillah!

Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise. I believe He knows what is the best for me. I may have plans but He has greater plans for me. And trusting Allah completely is making it easy for me to accept everything and live with what He has provided for me.

What happened to my career may not be the one I planned, but I believe Allah is preparing me for something greater than being a nurse. And I will make use of this time that He has given me to do things that pleases Him.

Don’t lose hope.

Keep the faith.

Keep on praying.

Allah is All-Hearing.

Getting Over It

Many people say you cannot achieve the ultimate womanhood unless you will experience the beauty of carrying a child in your tummy for nine months and finally delivering them to this world. But how about the women who were not blessed enough to be able to get pregnant, or those who get pregnant but unfortunately had miscarriages? I hope all women come to recognize that there are other function of womanhood other than child bearing.

I know most of the woman wants to experience the indescribable feeling of being a mother. I am guilty of this. The excitement from the first time seeing your pregnancy test with a positive result, the check-up days with your OB, the unexplainable food cravings, changes in the body and finally delivering their offsprings safely and as healthy as they can be. And bringing them into the world is the just the beginning of everything. The amazing mothers now will be engaged in the battle of motherhood. The battle where they will be suffering and sacrificing things for their children and the victory cannot be claimed in the short period of time – Being a mother is a lifetime responsibility.

I know these things because of my profession and I just have heard and seen these a million times from my friends who got pregnant, delivered and are raising their children. I haven’t experienced any of it at all. Unfortunately. Sadly. Depressingly. Devastatingly.

When people starts asking “Why are you not getting pregnant?” “When are you going to be pregnant?”, I just want to disappear. I got married two years ago, I was 28. My husband and I tried but always failing. I came to the point of getting depressed. Whenever my monthly period will come, I will be bursting into tears. When I will be reading news bout children being abused, being aborted and being neglected, I feel so much hurt and so mad at the same time. There are times I will stare at the children playing outside wishing one of them is mine. I was on the edge of breakdown.

And how did I get over it?

Alhamdullilah (Praises for Allah) my husband is very supportive of me. He did not ever make me feel of becoming less a woman just because I am not getting pregnant. He is always trying to cheer me up and give advices whenever I have these self-pity moments and depression, and I tell you, it happens every month then.

The secret of acceptance is the key how I am managing to keep calm every month that I know I am not pregnant. I trust Allah more than anything. I believe that He will give it to me in His perfect timing. Everything happens for a reason. Instead of looking in the negative things, I am focusing myself on the blessings I am receiving. If I am not blessed to be a mother now, at least  I am blessed to be a wife to my wonderful husband. I am happy taking care of my husband and giving my full time to him. I’m trying to learn new things and keep myself busy. This is just one of the challenges I have to face. My patience and faith is being tested in this issue. I am praying that May Allah give me a stronger and understanding heart to accept things easily. In shaa Allah. (God Willing)